


Try

by seasaltmemories



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, Growing Up, Internalized Misogyny, Minor Injuries, Unresolved Emotional Tension, both of them are stubborn people who care more than they should and don't know what to do about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltmemories/pseuds/seasaltmemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunny girls don't stay girls forever, they grow up to be radiant women, but Ciel still can't believe Lizzy has changed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try

He shouldn't be here, shouldn't be here half-naked with the cold air nipping at his bare skin, with her so calm and serious.

Ciel doesn't know how it got to this. He had stopped by the Midford house just to get some documents, nothing more. He hadn't dreamed Lizzy would be the one to see him first, bloody and bruised. Before Ciel or Sebastian could do anything she had whisked him away into her room and forced him to let her tend his wounds.

He sighed as he watched her scurry around, gathering bandages and other useless things. She had changed. Of course that was understandable, it had been months since they had last talked. But it wasn't simply the height she never seemed to stop gaining or the hints of femininity she had acquired. She wore an invisible weight on her shoulders, only now had he noticed it. Her dress was no longer frilly and bright. Golden hair now sat in a plain bun instead of the playful pigtails she adored.

Lizzy had changed. He was an idiot for not realizing it til now, but Ciel could still not believe the sunny girl that laughed too loud was a woman.

"Hold still." Her voice brought him out of his musing as she rubbed a strange lotion on his cuts.

"Ow!" He hissed, recoiling from her touch.

"What is it? Is something reopening!" Lizzy started to panic as she examined his body again.

"No, it just stung." If Ciel was a different person he might have apologized for his outburst, but that wasn't the case so he didn't.

"Sorry about that." Green eyes turned away as she started to unroll some bandages. "But it's going to hurt before it gets any better. Now don't act like such a girl."

"That's strange coming from you," The words slipped out before he could stop them, and Lizzy's hands grew still.

"What do you mean?" She looked up, forcing him to make eye contact with her.

"You're incredibly strong. I wouldn't stand a chance in a fight against you." The words tumbled out clumsy and awkward. He wasn't used to being so honest with her.

A small smile crinkled across Lizzy's face. It seemed odd on the girl that used to grin so easily.

"Thank you, but flattery won't change the facts." Nimble hands threaded around his torso. "I cry too much to be considered strong."

However Ciel didn't miss the callouses that decorated her fingers. She always wore gloves as par with propriety, but she probably liked the excuse to hide her "uncute" side. Still he felt like kicking himself for being so stupid. For not realizing til they were practically adults the little details that made up her identity.

"God, there's even blood in your hair." She absentmindedly wiped a few of his bangs. "Let's get that eye patch off you. It's in the way, I won't be able to cover that ugly head wound." She moved to untie it.

"No!" Ciel jerked away as quickly as he could. He hated how desperate he sounded but fear overran his mind. She just couldn't know, he rather die than have her learn.

Lizzy stared at him, curiosity burning brightly in her eyes. However in the end she didn't say a word. She silently wrapped more bandages around his head, going over the eye patch.

"Better." She sighed as she examined her work. "You shouldn't move too much though, might reopen some of those wounds."

"That's rubbish, I can't spend the night here."

"You're family, you don't have to worry about what's proper."

"I'm not worrying about something idiotic like that. I'm in the middle of an investigation."

"Well, we can work around that..." She trailed off. She always did that when she was nervous about something.

"What is it then?" He tried to soften the last of his words so it didn't come out as an insult.

'What if I helped with the investigation?" Time seemed to freeze at Lizzy's suggestion.  _No. He can't. Not her._

It took him a while to register she hadn't stopped talking. He had stopped listening, but that didn't faze Lizzy.

"-I know I'm not as smart as you, and probably not as brave, or ugh!" She shook her head. "I'm trying to be strong more but it's just," She took a deep breath. 'I want to be useful, Ciel." A deadly calm lurked behind those green eyes "I want to be a part of your life. I want you to be able to trust me with all those secrets you keep locked inside yourself."

"I can't let you risk yourself like that though,"

Lizzy bit her lip, looking ready to start a fight, but as she opened her mouth Ciel cut off her words.

"It's not that I don't realize you can take care of yourself." He tried to reassure her. "It's horrible work. Stuff like that doesn't leave you untainted and-" He groped to find the right words to express his point. "-and I don't want you changing yourself over something so pointless as helping me." He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Not anymore."

Lizzy cocked her head at that. "You don't get it do you?" It was her turn to sigh as she tucked a strand of blonde hair back into her bun. "I can't help myself, I'm so pathetic." She took a deep breath again. "I care about you a lot, Ciel. Way too much for someone who probably doesn't care about me at all."

"Lizzy..." It wasn't that. If anything it was he who cared too much. It was irrational but he wanted to keep her the pure light that made him forget about his short life. But she wasn't a doll meant to stay frozen in time forever. The best outcome for both of them was her forging a life separate from his, one that wouldn't involve her crying over him.

"I know it's stupid. My mind keeps telling me to put my next croquet game ahead of anything concerning you. That's what Mama would do, stay strong and unaffected. But I'm not her. My heart is just too stubborn to listen." Small tears started to form in her eyes.

As natural as breathing, Ciel lifted his hand to brush them away. "This is the last thing I want you to do. You shouldn't cry over a dead man like me."

"I know," Lizzy sighed. "I know, I know, but I can't and I want to help you, but you won't let me because I'm still just a little girl in your eyes, so could you at least hear one request of mine?"

She bent down, took his hands in hers, and gently kissed his knuckles. "Please at least try to survive for me."

Lizzy wasn't the pure innocent light from before but that didn't change the fact Ciel was blinded by her radiance, and she left him terrified. He can't get anymore attached to her than he already was. She deserved someone better than him, someone who she could grow old with. Still Ciel would be damned if he'd leave her like this.

"I can't promise you many things." He squeezed her hands as his lips quirked into the smallest of smiles. 'But I can promise you I'll try."


End file.
